I knew I needed to talk to someone before my mental state hit a dangerous low and I was too scared of what my friends and family would think, so I found other ways to talk about it. I joined an LGBT-friendly lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender website where people offer each other informal support. They kept their social media groups and everything very secret because they understand how hard it can be, so I felt safe knowing no one would find out.
There was also a nearby LGBT charity with a youth group so I contacted them and asked if there was anyone I could talk to about this. It all helped. The third time I told someone was a text, sent to a friend, on Christmas day, from the bathroom of my family home. I hid in there for half an hour with the door locked, thinking about whether to press send or not.
There were definitely awkward moments, strange conversations, and decisions I would make differently if I could re-do them, but every time I told a family member or close friend, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted! Mean people will always find things to judge you for, so trying not to care what they think is a useful life skill for everyone, whatever their sexuality. Trying to get male attention Um, really? This is so annoying. No really, they think bisexuality is a myth and they think if I date a man, I become straight, and then if I date a woman I miraculously become gay again… rather than, you know, thinking I might just like men AND women?
Seems obvious, right? Also, being different is great! Claim the freedom to make important decisions about your life for yourself. If you feel bad about your own sexuality, TALK about it, in the way that suits you most, with someone understanding and trustworthy. And keep your chin up — it will get better, promise! Page last reviewed: It is true that it had its awkward moments living in a small army town at the time, but I would do it all again.
There are groups to break up that isolation for young people in every state - when you are ready. Best thing I ever did when I was With education, I'd say it is worth getting into it again if you can. You do have a future and things will get better. I noticed you can imagine a family and kids, keep imagining because if you want it, it is possible even if a little different.
Normal can be your normal - it doesn't require you to be the same. I wonder we replaced the term "normal" with "natural" and then asked the questions you ask of yourself. I look at women and look at my straight friends and see what they have It's natural to love and be loved, to lust and be lusted after. As another gay man I can tell you that all of the things you want to make your life a natural life ARE natural and are achievable.
You mentioned your best friend who is straight and you have a crush on. I know it does, it's even enough to not want those feelings anymore, and to not want to be gay so it never happened in the first place.
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It's enough to even make a wish to be normal straight? I bet your best friend is an amazing guy who's got your back and you can obviously tell anything to and I also bet you find him attractive. These things are what help us fall in love with someone.
'I slowly realised I was bisexual' Pippa's story
Not being able to be with that person really sucks. I can promise you that there will be someone out there who you will fall in love with who you will have beautiful feelings for who has you back and is attractive and is able to return all the love you give. That's a promise. It's just that your best friend can't return everything you want to give.
There's some things you can do in your mind that can help you through a bit of a transformation from wanting him as a lover and keeping him as a friend. He isn't right for you because he can't return what you have to give - so when you have feelings of wanting to be with him or imagining a life together or anything that isn't a regular friendship, in your mind say "He isn't mine, he isn't right for me because he can't return what I have to give".
You may go through periods where you are angry or make excuses about saying that or even that he might want you for a bit, but keep saying that phrase in your mind when you feel the attraction.
Brook | 'I slowly realised I was bisexual' Pippa's story
After a while you might even feel a bit depressed this is normal but if it lasts for more than 2 or 3 weeks and gets bad, please talk to someone or call the beyond blue help line. Sam these feelings are natural as well. Here's a secret that not many people know.
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Straight guys get crushes on other straight guys without telling anyone! Straight women get crushes on other straight women. You seem like a great kind of guy Sam.
The thing that is happening, happens whether you are straight or gay or bi. The emotions of attraction, lust, love, friendship, regret, longing and need to escape are so very natural. The pain that comes with some of the emotions is also natural. As loving humans, the best thing we can do to navigate these emotions is to name them in our mind when they occur and accept that there's no off switch.
There is a way to manage them though and in the case that we're talking about here taming the love you have for your best friend is the best way to stay happy and keep your friendship. Maybe you could consider a support group. Even just listen to others' feelings could help you with your own.
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If you could get a look into peoples' lives to see what is really going, you might laugh a little, in a gentle kind of way but a "Oh, wow! I had no idea! None of us are normal! The rainbow flag is really everyone's flag. I believe it in fact is!! Parts of everyone are in every one. But so much of what we think we should be in this world is an illusion: Everything from getting that "perfect marriage", having that "perfect career" People used to see misfortune in terms of a spiritual opportunity.
I think today society in general has its head up its butt and lacks spirituality. Life will give you so many of these upheavals. Being gay is just one of them - maybe tougher than most, but from what you've stated about your support network, probably not the toughest one you will come across I don't mean to sound like I am trivializing what you are going through. I know that it is still tough.
Actually very scary at times. And yet, once I did it: I never felt so strong or so wonderful.
Like creating my self in my own image, and not according to what I was told I should be! That's cos its effn hard -but it's effn very worth it too. And no matter whether you are straight or gay, you still have the same ultimate option: Do you follow society's dictates as to who you are? Or do you make yourself according to your own ideas about who you are? I came out over 14 years ago and reading your post brought back so many memories for me. The most important thing I think I can tell you right now is this: I also wanted a life with children and I felt like if I could just be interested in men all my problems would go away and my life would just be so much easier.
I slept with a lot of men even though I had no feelings for them because I just kept hoping that something inside me would click and I would feel what I was supposed to, but I never did. I just felt even more upset and disgusted with myself. While I know it hurts right now, one day you will find someone who loves you back and it will be the most wonderful feeling in the world.
I struggled with it too, though as a lesbian I obviously had things a bit easier than you. Still, if having a family is something you really want in life then you still have many ways of having that happen. Whether it be donating to a lesbian couple who wish to co-parent with you, surrogacy, adoption, foster care etc you have options. Yes your path to parenthood will be harder than most, but if you set your mind to it you will achieve it.
Hang in there, you have a wonderful life and future awaiting you. What caring and beautiful responses! My story reflects some of your own especially loving best friend which indeed is true for most as you say. Your gifts of words are a pleasure to read, and serves as a reminder of how much support is abound on our forum. It'd be wonderful if you both could drop in now and then to 'give' of your sensitivity and grace if that's ok.
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I for one would be extremely grateful knowing there's people like you to turn to. And help if need be. Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones. You are currently: Home Get support Online forums. Online forums Before you can post or reply in these forums, please complete your profile Complete your profile. Cancel The title field is required! Hi I about 6 months ago I came out for the first time to a good friend. It's went really well and he has supported me through this and help me tell others.